First Step: You Have to Find the Right Guy
The challenge of how to make him chase you 2020 starts with something so obvious, most women overlook it. Find the right guy before you do anything else. You have many effective strategies (discussed later in the article) about how to make a guy chase you. The real question is whether he is the right guy. So we will start there.
Table of Contents
Principles Underlying How To Make Him Chase You Forever
Like Are Attracted to Like
Men and women find attraction the more they share similar backgrounds and experiences. The aphorism that opposites attract sometimes is true, but mostly is not. And, it refers to personality types more than anything else. You will have your best chance at how to make him chase you if his background is similar to yours. Here are some of the similarity factors you should consider in figuring out how to make him chase you.
- Socio-economic background
- Religious background
- Regional similarity (same city, same state, same geography)
Physical Attractiveness Is Still Important
You may hate that western culture reveres the sleek, sexy model. However, that is not a cultural dictate sponsored by the entertainment and fashion industry, it is an imperative created through evolutionary biology over millions of years.You can still learn how to make a man chase you if you are not naturally sleek and sexy. Just recognize that you will have to work harder at it. You are still loveable and kind and generous. Don't ever forget that. Build on your strengths and your determination. You will succeed.
(There's a fast way to slim down and slow your food cravings. Click on the image to learn more.)
The good news is that you do not have to be beautiful naturally. Plenty of celebs look horrible when they are not done up. Learn how to make the best of what you have.
When you put some effort into looking good, this means a lot. It doesn’t matter whether or not you are having an online chat or going out, just make sure you look good. You may be average in looks and figure. When you spend the time and energy to look your best, you are sending a powerful message that you care about yourself.
To top it off, wearing a nice scent is bonus. There is just something sexually alluring with a girl that smells nice.
Pro Tip: Wear a nice scent on your video calls. If you smell attractive to yourself, you'll be attractive to him.
A Word About Video and Photographs
Learn the basics of video lighting and staging. Think of each video encounter as a movie set. Be thoughtful about your background, what you wear (or don't), and how you are made up.
Free e-Book by James Bauer.
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Don't post selfies that make you look stupid, ugly, or unattractive. Spend the effort to create an attractive series of photos and portraits for your online dating profile.
This is based on science, not on modern sensibilities. Men are attracted to beauty, not ugliness.
If you want him to chase you, keep him interested, and close, you must take care of yourself in the visual department – End of story.
Who You Are Is Critical To How You Make Him Obsess Over You
Are you living a high quality, exciting, fun life or a boring, monotonous life?
Your life will tell you how to get a man to chase you. Exciting and vibrant--you have a good chance. Boring and monotonous--you are handicapping yourself big time.
Knowing What A Man Desires Most Is A Key to How To Get Him To Chase You, Especially After Sex
Here are a man's non-sexual motivating drives. They are far more powerful that the drive that comes from between his legs. Once you understand these needs, you will have the key to how to make him chase you forever. Each of these needs is a book unto itself. Most of these needs will be explained further along in this article.
- Emotional Safety
- Satisfaction of his Hero Instinct
- Fear of Loss
Second Step for How to Make Him Man Chase You 2020
Be Hyper-Selective Online
Learning how to make a man desire you starts with choosing the right man. Set your screens and filters to exclude men who are slovenly and unkempt. More on this below. Exclude men who post unprofessional, unattractive selfies on their profiles. Exclude men who have nothing in common with you (despite being drop dead gorgeous). This will narrow your search considerably.
Look For Men Of Equal Or Higher Social Status Than Yourself.
This is not old-fashioned or elitist. Science shows that you will be attracted to men who have higher social status than yourself. That's the pool you will draw upon. Obviously, if the social status distance is too great, you have a lot of work to do. So be realistic in your aspirations.
Exclude Any Man That Shows Signs Of …
- Being emotionally unhealthy
- Having unhealthy perceptions of himself
- Being developmentally unhealthy
- Having unhealthy addictions
- Having unhealthy beliefs
- Having unhealthy body issues
- Having unhealthy personality traits
Your radar should be on full alert for men who present themselves as healthy, but are not. These men may be trouble for you no matter how good looking, sexy, or charming they might seem. You can learn all you want about how to make him chase you, but why bother if the wrong guy is one after you.
Questions to Ask a Man Online
Most women ask questions without thinking about them too much. The right kinds of questions can do a lot of good things in your quest on how to make him chase you.
First, interesting questions set you apart from the crowd of other women. Your questions show that you have put some effort into meeting someone equally interesting.
Second, your questions can be fun and provocative conversation starters.
Third, and most important, your questions will provoke behaviors and answers, both verbal and non-verbal that give you very useful information.
Here some groups of questions making indirect inquiries about whether your candidate is healthy or not.
Pro Tip: Write out your own answers to each of these questions. You can be sure that the man you are interviewing will ask them right back. If he does, that's an indicator that he did not come to the party prepared. Nevertheless, be polite and prepared to give your own answers. You will both see quickly enough if your answers diverge or match up. This is another secret to how to make him chase you.
To Discover a Man's Emotional Health
What makes you cry?
This is a shocking question to man because he has been conditioned from early childhood that crying is unmanly. For reasons that go far beyond this article, most men have suffered unintentional, but extreme, emotional abuse at the hands of their parents.
What you are looking for is the man that is not afraid of his emotions, is not afraid to cry appropriately, and is not afraid to talk about it. This is a rare species of male. When you find one, you might have a possible keeper.
What's easiest for you, fixing a problem or listening without offering a solution?
Most men (and women) will go to problem-solving first because it soothes their anxiety. Very few men have learned how to listen to a woman without offering a solution. If you meet a man that can do this, wow!
When was the last time you felt emotionally safe?
Most single men have never thought about being emotionally safe because they have never experienced emotional safety. They are isolated and emotionally unavailable because that is the only safe place they have ever experienced. It is lonely in there. A man that can talk about emotional safety is another rare male.
To Discover His Self-Confidence
What do your inner voices tell you about yourself?
A well-balanced man will laugh at the question and give you a straight up answer. An unhealthy man will avoid it, make a face, or be annoyed at the question.
How often to you hear your mother's criticisms in your head?
On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being beyond awesome, how awesome are you?
You will either learn that this man is arrogant and full of himself, lacks the confidence to declare that he is confident, will lie through his teeth and say he is a 10 when he feels like a 1, or is honestly awesome. You will be able to discern the truth by the non-verbal information he unconsciously conveys to you. If you sense a lie, exclude him.
Is He a Boy-Man?
You know the type. This is an adult male who cannot give up being a boy He is stuck in high school or his college fraternity. Partying and non-responsibility are his mantras. He might be fun in the short term. You are playing the long game, however. Exclude him. You do not want to know how to make him chase you.
What has been the most satisfying achievement so far in your life?
This will stump the boy-man. The healthy man will be reflective.
What kind of car do you drive and why?
Many men use cars to make a statement about who they are. Does he even own a car? If so, is it a junker or something reliable?
Ever owned a home?
Many millennials have never owned a home, so this is not a huge indication of a problem.
However, if the man is over 45, not owning a home may say something about his ability to take on adult responsibilities.
What About Addictions?
There are many more addictions that alcohol, drugs, and pornography. They are subtle. Ask these questions to see if the man is "medicating" his emotional pain with addictive behaviors or attitudes.
What do you do in your spare time? Or, What do you do with your spare time?
Describe your average work day for me?
What do you do to relax and chill?
Watch for the answers that on the surface appear to be correct and acceptable, but are really hiding fear of intimacy or escape from pain.
Example: "What do you do with your spare time?"
Answer. "Are you kidding me, I don't have any spare time. My work consumes me."A lot of men are addicted to gaming. Listen for references to being an online gamer or spending time gaming. Gaming for many young men is pure escape from a world that is too painful and difficult to navigate.
Watch out for the fitness addicts too. These are men who constantly train and work out for no reason other than to escape their emotional pain. They are more common than you might think.
Self-Righteous Stubborn Men
Here are attributes to look for:
- Inflexible thinking, rigid beliefs, and self-righteousness
- Indignant and intolerant of beliefs not held as intensely as his
- Ill-educated, uncreative, low intelligence, illiterate, uninformed men
- Over-confident, arrogant men
- Undisciplined and impatient men
Here are three questions to see if you have a man with unhealthy beliefs:
How do you make sense of the world around you? (this asks for a description of a man's overarching belief systems, which can be very informative for you)
What do you like to read? (men who do not read may be overly rigid)
It doesn't matter how you come out on the issue. What matters is the intensity of his response. Moderate intensity is probably ok. High intensity and expressions of intolerance for those who believe differently might be a red flag.
Slovenly MenBesides physical unattractiveness, a slovenly appearance tends to reflect a slovenly approach to life. He doesn't care about how he looks. Or, he has never learned how to groom and dress himself. Or he has low self-esteem and just doesn't care about his looks. Or he projects an "attitude" of coolness. Except that he looks like an idiot. By the way, relationship building is a project; fixing a man is not. You know you shouldn't take on a man as a project to fix. It's a waste of your time and a huge frustration.
Here are your three questions:
What's your favorite exercise?
What do you like most about the way you look?
When was the last time someone complimented you on your appearance?
Again, his non-verbal information is far more valuable than his words.
Why You Should Avoid Men That Can't Set A Table
You may run across men with unhealthy personality traits that don't show up until your relationship has been going on for a while. These traits might include:
- Unkind, inconsiderate, impolite behaviors
- Lack of personal responsibility and accountability.
- A self-centered, narcissistic, "it's all about me" attitude
- A tendency to blame others for personal shortcomings
- An inflated sense of entitlement
They are all red flags because they may mean this guy is not able to be an equal partner in an intimate relationship.
Here are your three questions:
How do you like to set a table for dinner?
I know this sounds crazy, but if a man does not know how to set a table, he probably did not learn the basics of how to be polite around other people. This is a serious shortcoming because it might mean he does not know how to respect other people.
How do you show respect to a woman?
His non-verbal answer will reveal much to you. Does he reflect? Is he superficial? Is he anxious?
What was the last award that you received? For what?
This question fleshes out the entitlement piece. If he received an award, was it for real achievement or for just showing up? The latter indicates entitlement. He may believe that if he just shows up for you, he is entitled to a relationship without exerting any effort. That would be bad news.
Third Step: How To Get Men To Chase You?
You narrowed down your selection from 100,000 men to 2 or 3. Now you are ready to set up the chase. This requires care and thought, however.
Set Boundaries, and Don't Let Him Violate Them
If you want to know how to make him chase you, set high personal standards for yourself first. Ensure that you hold your self-respect above anything else. When you do that, you will see something magical happening. Guys who are manipulators will disappear. The only women they can control are women who are insecure and needy. They won't waste their time with you.
If a guy cheats on you or abuses you, no matter how wealthy or attractive he may be, you are better off moving back to your single life. You must be prepared to lose him and walk away.
Create Emotional Safety For Him
No drama, ever. Men avoid women who cause drama. In fact, they will immediately run away when they sense that you are the kind that attracts drama. This will make them anxious because they won't be able to handle it emotionally. If you are needy, work on yourself to fill your own needs. Here is a link to a daily meditation subscription that will help you.
Develop Your Emotional Competency
Another huge secret to how to make him chase you is to be able to listen to his emotions and reflect them back. This type of listening will rapidly develop your emotional competency and make any man fall in love with you in your first conversation. Here's a free master class where you can learn more about this skill.
Show Your Naughty Side
Research from evolutionary psychologist David Buss shows that the best and most reliable techniques to make men chase, is to hint that you are primed for sex. The biggest mistake that most women make is that they throw themselves into relationships full force and don’t hold anything back.
You want to be careful with this too. Practice hinting at sexual pleasure without being overt.
For example, if you are broadcasting video from your bedroom, is your well-made and clean bed somewhere in the background. If so, you are implicitly inviting him into your bedroom. He will imagine being in your bed with you and get horny. Make certain that's what you want him to feel; being horny for you. If not, set your studio so your bed is not in the background.
On the other hand, if you are lying in bed wearing sexy lingerie early in a relationship, you may be overdoing it.
You can also wear a sexy silk blouse with no bra on the cam. If your lighting is great, every now and then your nipple will show, driving him crazy with desire. Be naughty, but be subtle.
Create Scarcity...But Not Too Much
The woman that men chase the hardest is the woman who is mildly available. Keep yourself busy. Spend time with your friends. Create space to make the guy chase you.
Do not overplay this. Today, men have a lot of options with online dating. If they get the slightest sniff you are playing with them, they will disappear.
Just live your natural, full life and make room for him as is appropriate. Do not throw yourself at him.
Flirt with Subtlety
The goal is to show interest in him, not desperation. Flirting is an art form mostly lost today. It consists of little things like eye contact, brushing your hair away from your eyes, lightly touching his forearm, smiling, and so on. These are small, subtle non-verbal signs that you are interested in him. He is hard-wired to pick up on these signals.
A word of caution. With the advent of the #MeToo movement, most men are extremely cautious about mis-interpreting female signals of interest. No man in his right mind wants to the target of false accusations of sexual impropriety. Your flirts have to be honest and unambiguous. And if you are inviting intimacy, you had better mean it. Otherwise, he will not take the bait and run far away from you.
Have An Exciting, High-Quality Life That He Wants To Be A Part Of
Think about it for a moment. Who would he rather be with, a woman who has an exciting and fulfilling life or a woman who spends her free time on Facebook or watching Netflix? If you lifestyle is mundane and boring, the challenge of how to make him chase you will be futile.
Focus On Your Self-Improvement
Along the same line, radiate the confidence that will cause any man to desire you as a girlfriend. If your goal is to have high-quality men chasing after you, you should ensure that you push yourself out of your comfort zone. Build a high-quality life that you love. Men are aware that very few women are able to achieve that and they will chase after these rare women.
“Men don’t daydream about finding coal.
They daydream about finding gold.”
Your Actionable Steps on How to Make Him Chase You
Work what you can control right now. Your physical appearance, your online appearance, your video appearance. If your life is mundane and boring, change it right now with small steps.
Write down your online dating filters. What men to exclude, who to include.
Make a list of questions you will ask every man that passes your screening.
When you have your list narrowed, start your dating process, keeping in mind the principles of boundaries, emotional safety, scarcity, naughtiness, flirting, your high quality lifestyle, and your self-improvement.
Most importantly, have fun because you will have mastered how to make him chase you.